The big day is over and the Quality Street box is empty. The whole experience of the few days that come after December 25th can be strange and downright difficult. The excitement is fading and the guilt begins to seep into your psyche. This guilt can be related to physical discomfort from a 24 hour period that involved eating slightly more than usual, belief that this indulgence could result in extreme weight gain. I struggled yesterday – a full belly that seemed to resemble a swollen tumour. My body felt heavy and sluggish after a day of eating and sitting all cosy on the sofa. I woke up feeling groggy and with no appetite. I knew what I wanted to do – I wanted to skip breakfast. I wanted to skip lunch and throw dinner down the toilet.
I didn’t. I refused to let anorexia take another day of my life.
- I got angry. I got so fucking angry at anorexia for lingering in my mind for the entirety of another festive period. I knew that I wanted next year to be different. Skipping meals wouldn’t get me there. Skipping meals would snatch another year from me.
- I had some fruit. I know it sounds silly. Leading up to the 25th my diet consisted of chocolate and more chocolate. Instead of ommiting anything from my diet, I added something. Chocolate is delicious, but it isn’t full of vitamins. Adding the vitamins and antioxidants back into my diet helped to reduce the bloating and spark my appetite up again.
- I kept myself occupied. I find it tricky when days spread out in front me. So I set myself goals for the day, even if they are small and seemingly futile. I told myself that I was going to try to take some nice photos and reply to some messages. Seems silly. But it worked.
- I spoke to my family. I was honest about how I was feeling . I’m always hesitant to be truthful when I am expected to be happy. I guess I’m scared to bring the mood down. Yesterday I confided in my Mum, telling her how I was feeling. I told her how much I wanted to skip my meals and compmnesate for the food I had eaten yesterday. Not only did this ensure I wasn’t able to skip meals easily, it helped me vent my anorexic thoughts without listening to them.
- I reminded myself that one day of eating more than usual wouldn’t cause weight gain. Your body isn’t going to cling onto every ounce of turkey and stuffing. One day or three or four will not cause significant, if any, weight gain. Your body will bloat and you may feel uncomfortable, but that is how your body digests food. It needs time to process the yummy food and digest it efficiently.
- Herbal tea. My absolute favourite remedy for stomach pain from refeeding and severe bloating. Green tea and peppermint tea are the ones I usually grab.
- I planned my meals for the next few days. I brought out the meal planners and tried to get my life together.
- I refused to listen to my anorexia and continued with my meal plan. As difficult as it may sound, I identified the anorexic voice. I labelled it. It made it less threatening.
Stay safe and strong my loves.