According to everybody who knows me well, there are a few obvious things about me. Some of which are noted in files tucked away in psychologist’s offices, some of which are actually pretty irrelevant but just as obvious in everyday life. For instance, I’m pretty shit at admitting I’m mistaken or incorrect. I blame my Mum for that, who is just as stubborn, so you can probably imagine what our arguments are like. I have a broken emotional filter, so I feel everything or nothing. I hate Summer, social events that involve more than two people and cold pizza. But I have an extremely ‘refined understanding of human behaviour’, according to people who like to scribble in notepads. According to family, I notice everything.
I’m pretty sure it stems from being a really nosey child. I wanted to know peoples secrets, and the thing is, people didn’t like telling secrets, so I guess I just worked them out. I figured out my Dad had been married before, when I was five, going through my Grandma’s cupboards and picking out photographs that didn’t fit with the timeline of my knowledge. Like I said, probably shouldn’t be going through my Grandma’s stuff to begin with, but I was nosey and probably bored. Nothing shocked me. Family members getting divorced, cheating, drug dealing teens who volunteered at soup kitchens getting arrested.
I think having this fucked up brain has actually helped me with this ‘refined insight’ or whatever they decide to call it. I think it is much more simple for me to identify peoples emotions and thoughts than my own. Mine are messy. Strangers thoughts are neat and prominent to me.
I understand others better than I understand myself.