Hello guys. I’m aware my blog has been lacking in personal content recently, and if you follow my Instagram you’ll know I’ve not been in the best state mentally. I’m finally feeling better and I know everybody has been asking for an update so I’m sat here with a cup of coffee and my laptop, Harry Potter playing, typing away.
So at this point, I’m ready for Autumn. I’ve been ready for Autumn since April to be clear. I hate Summer, as I’m sure you’re aware by now. I’m coping by pretending the world doesn’t exist and watching Sherlock. It’s better than some of my other coping mechanisms, believe me.
Anorexia wise, I’m coping way better than last Summer. It sounds bizarre probably, but I crave feeling cold all the time. When reducing your intake (a nice way of saying when you starve yourself) you are cold all the time. Like all the time. As you can probably guess, I’m not good at coping in the Summer weather, so my fucked up brain decides that starving myself is the best way to deal with that. This year, the thoughts are still there, but I’m not listening as closely as I was. Like I said, Sherlock and not leaving my house are actually pretty healthy coping mechanisms when you look at it that way.
I’m seeing a new CBT psychologist tomorrow. I’m actually feeling ok about it, even though I hate change, so hopefully it goes well. I’ve not been seeing a CBT specialist for a while now, and its pretty clear that my mental health has not been thanking me for it.
I’m going to dedicate August to bettering myself. Not the typical ‘Lush baths and jogging everyday’ bullshit. Probably starting to journal again, watching Sherlock and laughing at memes. I refuse to spend Autumn and Winter being tortured by anorexia and my anxiety, repeating rituals.
So I’m coping. Maybe not particularly well, but at least I’m coping.