You will probably hear the phrase ‘I can’t belive 2017 is almost over’ at least eighty times over the next few weeks, so I’m not going to dwell, but the thought of 2018 is actually sort of terrifying? Wasn’t January like, five days ago? I actually like the way the prospect of a fresh, clean year brings everybody together in a frenzy of reflecting and promises for the next 365 days. I feel like 2017 has been a weird year. For me as an individual it’s been a bit all over the place, but I think that it has brought so many beautiful things into my life. So it wasn’t all bad.
Abbie The Abbie fan page strikes again. But seriously, I met Abbie at the end of January in a bustling little cafe, over steaming coffee and tea and talk about musicals and tv shows. (We shall exclude the fact my Dad accompanied me to meet her, but five good Dad points for him). In a totally cliche way, there wasn’t any awkward silence or uncertainity, and we both found a beautiful friendship made up of mostly cute cafes, singing loudly in the car and dark humour.
Recovery In the midst of this year, I found the strength to actually believe and be willing in recovery and weight gain. It was both terrifying and incredible. I started to genuinely see what this illness was taking from me, and began believeing the words of people supporting me. It wasn’t as plain sailing as that though – it was horrible most of the time initially and I spent a fair part of it thinking that it just wasn’t ever going to get better. I’m still very far from a recovered life and a healthy mind, but I’m getting there and I’m closer than I was at the start of this year which is a huge achievement.
Misty At the start of this year we said goodbye to Bess, our very old and poorly dog. Losing a pet is like losing a very close friend, and it’s weird because you’ve never talked about ice cream flavours together, but there is just a quiet understanding.
We brought Misty home at the start of September, a tiny little ball of cuteness and unintelligence. Her legs are still far too big for her body, but she is probably the best thing happened to our family this year.
Internet friends Before 2017 I was always very cautious about the world of internet friends, but I’ve made so many amazing friends over the past year. Particularly, Ellie, Tallie, Luce, Aya, Kirsty, Ella and Lauren. They really have unknowingly made my year a whole lot brighter.
Biscoff This was the year I discovered Biscoff and not to be dramatic or anything but it changed my life. It was possibly the best thing Abbie ever brought to our friendship – the gingerbready, biscuity goodness. With porridge, apples, fruit, toast, ice cream, out of the jar – however you eat it, it is insanely delicious.
Listening to my mental health I used to refuse to rest, or miss something because I was in a bad headspace. I thought it showed that I was lazy and unmotivated. But this year, I’ve started to accept that mental health really is as important as physical health, and if, mentally, I feel unable to go somewhere, that’s ok and I need to listen to what my mind is telling me it can and can’t handle at that moment in time. It doesn’t mean I’m being selfish or unkind, just that I am prioritising my mental health, which is so important.
My quote wall(s!) When I was really poorly I had a few quotes stuck to my wall. At a point deep in my anorexia, the weren’t very helpful quotes, and quotes encouraging unhealthy and anorexic fuelled behaviours. But this year, in the midst of a ‘my room is so rubbish and empty’ crisis, I decided that I was going to add a hella load of inspiring quotes and pictures to my wall, to help me daily in recovery, and brighten my space. Needless to say the amount of quotes has increased over the year, but it is something that a few other people have been inspired by too, and that makes me insanely happy!
Bullet Journalling This was the year I discovered how, both calming and motivating, bullet journalling is. I feel like the whole aspect really claimed its popularity this year also, so for the first time, I’m not years behind. From a point of being scared to make a tiny mistake, I am at a place where I now collage, scribble notes and the rest of it in my journal, and coping fine with it! It has helped me loads during depressive episodes and times where I am the most unmotivated and unorganised human being.
Being truthful about my struggles It’s still taking a lot of time to be truthful about everything, and I can assume I’ll be saying something similar next year, but I’ve found that I am not so ashamed of my disorders anymore. I’m able to talk more truthfully about things that have happened to me, and not feel as if I’m being judged. I think it is crucial to accept your diagnoses and the fact that you are ill, otherwise you will never move forwards.
Wishing everybody a beautiful end to 2017 and start to 2018.