A letter to 12 year old me.

Dear Casy,

Hi. I want you, right now, to prepare yourself because, holy shit girl, you’re in for one hell of a ride. And I think you are well aware of that. You’re aware that those numbers on cellophane packets mean more to you than they should. You’re aware that your mind worries about things that don’t matter.

So, I want you to trust me when I tell you that it will be alright. These next few years aren’t going to be a lot of fun and you’re going to want to give up. But I swear to you it doesn’t last forever. This horrible chapter is only that – a chapter. Chapters end, no matter how long they may seem. This chapter is going to be full of nasty people, very strong fears, and irrational thoughts. It’s going to be a chapter with lots of body checking, weight checking, crying at mirrors, fighting, pushing people away, counting peas.

I need you to know you’re perfect. Everything about you, your body, your personality is beautiful. You’re not superhuman. You can’t be the best at everything, no matter how hard you try, and that’s ok. I know that there are some nasty people in your world just now, even if you don’t. ‘Friends’ as you call them, will evidently be nothing more than familiar faces in a while. I need you to know how to cope with these thoughts. The ‘I’m not good enough’ thoughts. The ‘lose weight’ thoughts. You have to be strong, and be honest about them to every one around you because you are strong, but no one is that strong. You can’t do this alone.You can’t please everyone, so please stop trying to.

Stop being so afraid of other people – they are too absorbed in their own thoughts to give a damm about what shoes you’re wearing or how you’re looking. They aren’t talking about you, they aren’t whispering about you. They’re probably wrapped up in the events of last nights episode of Gossip Girl, or the latest high street beauty trend.

You are enough. You don’t need to get better grades, better legs, better hair, better clothes. You don’t need to be in with the right people. You don’t need a flat tummy. You don’t need a thigh gap.

You need to be loved and cherished. You need to find people who will support you unconditionally. People who laugh at your shitty jokes, say they like your messy outfit, understand you and your head. You need people who will embrace your spontaneous outbursts, and your sudden withdrawals. Who will understand why you’re quiet and tearful and overly emotional. People who care about you.

All my love.

Casy x

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