A few months back the decision was made that I would be having an assessment by a psychotherapist. Now for those of you unfamiliar with my personality, me and change are not the best of friends. I am also a huge fan of my CBT therapist. I’ve been seeing her for about 18 months, so I wasn’t exactly euphoric when I was told this news. But, there had probably been team meetings and it wasn’t as if they’d got a bit bored and said, ‘Why don’t we just change things up for a laugh?’. I trusted the people supporting me enough to understand this was a decision made for the best. even still, it didn’t make me anymore keen.
The reason they wanted me to have this assessment, I believe, is to discover the ‘underlying issues’ of my f*cked up brain. Now, I can’t speak for anyone else, but those words alone force me to imagine lying on a sofa and being hypnotised. Ok, so that’s probably a slight exaggeration, but I just don’t fully trust psychoanalysis. This isn’t helped by the fact that I spent about 5 months studying the approach last year, and really struggled to grasp the legitimacy of it then, let alone having to also do it.
But, hold up, I’m getting ahead of myself. After all, it is only an assessment. I may not actually even need this guy. But, starting tomorrow, I have three sessions where I will be assessed to determine whether a different form of therapy could be more beneficial. So in October, there will be a big meeting where they will decide what to do with me basically. Yippee.
So, although I’m slightly anxious to actually meet this guy tomorrow, and quite sceptical about it all, I have to try and go in with an open mind. After all, maybe this will rid me of all anxiety and obsessions? Maybe it won’t? But its worth a try.
Who knows? We’ll have to see I guess.
Stay safe and strong my loves,