Uh oh – I can guess what you’re imagining this post to be. One of the stereotypical ‘lush baths and diptyque candle’ posts. The squeaky clean posts that label as ‘self-care’.
Don’t get me wrong – I love those types of posts and can spend hours trapped in a place where brushing your teeth is not one of the biggest efforts of the day. But there had to be a point when I return to my life. The one where I haven’t brushed my hair in 5 days, and haven’t changed joggers since last Tuesday. I’m guessing this sounds pretty gross to a lot of people, but if you have ever struggled with a depressive episode. Then you will totally get me.
To people who haven’t, it can be really difficult to understand. I’m might just seem like laziness. Unmotivation. ‘A breath of fresh air will lift your spirits’. In reality it is so much more difficult than that. You physically feel unable to perform the simplest everyday tasks. Whether that’s cleaning the dishes, putting on deodorant. These things that are subconscious to loads of people are just these huge challenges for anyone in a depressive episode.
So, if you’re anything like me, you’ll understand how frustrating those ‘self-care’ posts can be. Although you’d love to light lavender candles and practice yoga, you just can’t.
I saw a post about a month ago basically addressing all this. It helped me tons, to be able to see that others find the thought of changing sheets terrifying. It helped inspire me to start doing teeny tiny things that are gradually making a huge difference. Things such as feeling proud if I remember to shave and not feeling bad if I haven’t ticked everything of my to-do list. It’s helped me immensely over the past month, which hasn’t been totally plain-sailing.
I’ve decided to start dedicating at least one day every fortnight to ‘care’. Nothing big and fancy, but seeing a friend, having a really nice Latte. Buying new pyjamas. Just having time to chill. It actually took me a fair bit of time before I found things that actually helped me. I sort of tried and tested a lot of things before finding little things that genuinely made a difference.
11:40 I’ve started today off on a bus. Public transport is oh so classy. But it’s cheap(ish), good for the earth and gets where I want to go. Truth be told, I actually enjoy bus journeys. Plot twist. As long as there isn’t a stranger sitting next to me. (I like personal space, ok?) And I’m in a relatively good mood, I don’t mind them at all. This particular bus is heading into a town about 15 miles away. I’m planning to head to Starbucks because, not basic at all. And possibly grab a salad from my favourite vegan cafe.
13:11 So I’ve ventured into to Starbucks and decided on a Green Tea Latte. Yummy yummy and so very photogenic. Round the corner from here there is the cutest vegan cafe called ‘Chia’. It is 100% plant based, vegan and sugar free. Basically my idea of a dream. The staff there are so lovely, and everything from the decor to the kitchen is just perfection. The prices are so reasonable, considering you are paying for healthy and freshly prepared food. Oh yes, did I forget to say? Everything you order is freshly prepared for you. And the best part is every single thing on the menu is available to take-avay. So that means smoothie bowls, pancakes, soup, porridge. Whatever you’re after they will have it and it is all so so delicious. And the presentation. Oh my goodness. I practically go into meltdown whenever they present me with my food. Because it’s literally stunning! By the time I’m finished my photo roll is bursting. Today was an acai bowl day. I’ve never actually had the acai bowl here but I have witnessed the pure beauty of it before, when Abbie got it on one of our many ‘cute cafe’ ventures. I didn’t think I’d be able to take it out, but they were more than happy. I definitely didn’t think they’d be able to present it so aesthetically in a take out pot! But this place just keeps giving as you’ll be able to appreciate of these photos! £5.80 for it, with a student discount. Yes, they do student discount on all their food! This sounds like an ad but it seriously is not 😂. I’m just obsessed with this place. End of.
6:56 pm So I have spent the majority of today in Starbucks journaling. I don’t understand what it is about being out of the house that just relieves me from a busy mind. I’m able to just be normal for a little bit. No one checking my food. No constant reminders. Just not being surrounded by people who are not aware and worried of my situation is so refreshing. Being able to just look like a normal girl, sipping and journaling. No one would ever see me and go ‘ah yes, she’s got issues’. At least I hope not! It’s also rained non-stop today (and the last month, for that matter). But I absoloutely love cold weather. Especially when I’m wrapped up in the scent of warm lattes and caffeine. I planned out a fair bit, but eventually had to leave because I had a bus to catch. The bus journey back was really lovely, and my mood was so good. I’ve just had dinner and it wasn’t too tricky. I mean dinners never plain sailing, but it definitely was better than it has been these last few days!
8:57 pm I’m starting to get superrrrrr tired. I feel like a good nights sleep is definitely needed tonight – who knows if it will! But I’m just having a good social fix. By that I obviously my phone. Then I going to possibly have a little evening snack, and a green tea before getting cosyyyyyyy. I have therapy tomorrow which is so mentally draining at times so I’m kind of preparing haha.
10 pm So a small evening snack. Well, it’s now not so small. Actually I had porridge this evening, with a bit of almond butter. It’s super delicious and also prevents horrible hunger pains. It’s probably a good thing because I needed a good cosy bowl of food because I am so so cold! It’s madness! I’m not going to pretend I’m not loving it though haha!
Stay safe and strong my loves.